Firstly, understanding how self-hatred is triggered will help you to find solutions to stop it from manifesting.
Wandering how you trigger such a complicated illness, which scientifically is considered as a mental disorder if not a dreadful disease, and you realize only after it springs to life? It all begins within you when you start comparing yourself to others and that’s exactly what we all do all the time. Without realizing how unsafe it is for our mental health; we keep our charade of comparing our lives with others’ perfect or not so real lives.
Simply put, a situation as meek as the one where you think ‘I’ll never look like Jessica,’ gradually spirals into ‘I’ll never look beautiful’. Our brain starts to play wicked games with us where it makes us believe the extreme of something small. One of the biggest reasons for this train of thoughts begins with the perception built in our minds by society and its norms. Be it beauty, the human brain, or a kind heart, everything comes to a manual that helps decide the grade for all three. If it’s not in the defined rules, you might even be considered brainless, heartless and not beautiful. In some cases, we are labelled as ugly and mentally ill too. This feeling leads to stress and eventually to anxiety and depression.
Due to this fed gobbledygook, we fear and ultimately begin to believe we are amongst the unfortunate ones. Whereas, there is no truth behind ‘I’ll never look beautiful’ because ‘I’m already beautiful.’ Comparing to evaluate where we stand is not the correct way of knowing the truth of our being. But when we do compare, we end up giving way to self-hatred and frustration because we are not satisfied with ourselves due to our false expectations and beliefs.
These feelings may also lead to extreme anxiety and depression, which have become a common norm in urban societies. These norms are forced upon us to believe and accept, if not, we are outcast and labelled as rebellious.
To avoid been judged and labelled, we try to blend and bend in as per the wishes of our society and people living in it, ignoring how it affects us in the long run.
Experts, after studying human behavior and our history, have found ways to help us realize whether we are experiencing self-hatred through the following symptoms:
You expect all or nothing as a result of your actions. For example, “If I fail this campus placement, I’m not talented and I’ll never find a good job.”
Focus on the negative:
When good and bad happenings are kept together, you only want to see the bad and purposedly, turn a blind eye to the good.
You start believing you are ugly instead of feeling you are ugly. You take the extreme route.
You feel insufficient and not worthy of anything, beyond a certain time. You give up on yourself soon.
Once you have crossed that bridge of insecurities, it is indeed overwhelming. To overcome these extreme believes and feelings, you should pay attention to the following:
Understand the root cause of these triggers:
When, how and where did these triggers arise. Sit and note down what you did, how you felt different, who you were with and when your mood plummeted downhill. This will help you uncover the patterns and identify what triggers your negative thoughts.
Challenge those negative thoughts head-on:
Focus your energy on revisiting good memories and good feelings. For example, when you think the dress looks bad on you, think about the other dress which looked good on you. Not everything is made for perfection anyway.
Talk and spread positivity:
Help those others who suffer from self-hatred too, and in the process help yourself with this disorder. Think positive about yourself and list down everything that you love about yourself. Self-talk to yourself only about positive thoughts.
Spend time with people who give you positivity:
Don’t take those people seriously who tend to make you question everything about yourself. The right kind of social interaction will always help you feel recharged and valued.
Let your loved ones help you conquer this because you are never alone. Everyone flairs well with a little love, compassion and support from people they trust and love the most.
Whatever you have to do, at the end of the day, instead of ‘I hate myself’ your thoughts should be ‘I will do better tomorrow’. It won’t come easily, but you can do it, just as everyone who thought couldn’t do did it successfully.